Why having a shitty retail job sucks, and it's not just about the wages.

I've been in retail since I finished high school. I have been a manager, I have been a cashier, I've been a cashier/clerk-expected-to-behave-like-a-manager-because-managers-suck-then-I-get-in-trouble-for-doing-their-jobs. I've been a hostess. I've done in home care. And you know...I can honestly say, these jobs suck the life out of you.

Ok, ok, before you start on the "but at least it's not..." I get it. But you know what? All those other shitty jobs (which probably are shittier than retail in some ways) also pay decent wages. So shut the fuck up. We aren't talking about that point, because it's irrelevant.

Like I said, this isn't just about wages. I could talk all day about that, and the expectations of the sales staff from the shitty hours (management won't even work) to the shitty pay to the lack of benefits, and so on and so forth. But everyone has talked about that. You can go look up articles with more thought and research to them than what I would put in here, so I'll leave you to Google so you can go look those up. I'm gonna talk about the shit that Google won't find as easily.

This shit wears on a person. From the asshole customers who have no respect for the employees, to the asshole management who have no respect for their employees, to the asshole employees who have no respect for their fellow employees...well...you get the pattern. It's the sheer lack of respect that is in the retail industry. I don't care if we're talking Walmart, of high end department stores. There is no respect for the people working in the jobs. And that's why it's so shitty.

Work holidays, work weekends, work nights, work several weeks in a row with no days off (illegal as fuck BTW). Keep your mouth shut for fear of losing your job. Don't defend yourself. Put up with being cussed out. Deal with people throwing money at you. Be on your feet all day. Deal with screaming children (nothing pisses me off more than these damn mommy blogs saying "Hey I get my kids annoy you...but you have to put up with it because..." No I fucking don't. I'm not a parent, teacher, or caretaker. Shut your kids the fuck up and fucking watch them). Deal with immature, rude, ungrateful adults. Deal with people looking down their nose at you. Any other job posts blogs about the utter shit they have to wade through (and there is a lot for sure), they get lauded and praised and respected for what they do for people. The people who work at the stores you shop at? Inconsequential.

In my experience, a good portion of these people in these jobs more than likely have a lot of education, work experience, and/or multiple jobs. They are busting their asses to make ends meet on fucking shit wages, and some of the succeed pretty well. Even without government assistance (I'm putting my husband and myself in this category...we don't make crap, but we live well).

Stop with the general disrespect and rude behavior. Fucking STOP. The people working these jobs are, in fact, human beings, with stories, lives, families, etc, just like someone working bankers hours. Stop treating us like we don't matter, and are insignificant, and not "As good as you." Fuck you. A good part of us aren't some stupid, ignorant, moronic assholes like you want to think we are. A lot of us are probably smarter than you. So stop being a fucktard, and start treating us like your momma taught you some manners.

Ok so now that I'm done swearing and ranting, why am I even talking about this? Here's the toll it takes on me.

My self esteem--mostly--is in the shitter. Why would it be, I mean, I have a job right? At least. Some people don't have that.

That's definitely true. I've had some struggles with joblessness and honestly, where I am working right now isn't too bad. There's some good days, there's some bad days, but hey you have that. Right? So I won't be too harsh on the company or the job. Honestly, those 2 things aren't the problem (most of the time). Even when they are, they aren't the biggest ones. So why the self esteem issues?

I worked my ass off for a long, long time, in school, and in my jobs. I took on more volunteer work than I should've, in the name of furthering my experience. I took extra classes, I studied overseas, I took jobs that I felt would get my foot in the door. I fucking worked hard for my degree. And I don't just mean my academics, but with what my dad did, I went through a lot. I worked a lot of hours at a day job, I put in a lot of time in class, I spent a shitload of time on homework. I pushed myself hard. I have a lot of experience for what I did, and I put my all into it...to wind up selling lawn mowers and trying to push repair agreements on them...to work for a manager who's the same grade of dickbag my dad is...to come out the other side of a dysfunctional home life to end up in another shit place.

Some days at work just suck. Nothing more, nothing less. Everyone has bad days. Some days, I look at myself and working where I do is a reminder of all the crap I went through. Not because it's a bad company or anything, but I look at my peers, who are in full time jobs, and in their desired fields, and you know...they came from decent families, with decent backgrounds and support and encouragement and parents who gave a shit. I feel like where I am now is a "symptom" of where I came from, and that drives me up a wall. I struggled, and fought, and well...the rich get richer (metaphorically or literally) and the poor get poorer. I feel like I failed somewhere along the way. If I had told my dad to fuck off, if I set myself up differently in school, if I hadn't been bullied, if mom hadn't gotten sick, if, if, if, if...

I don't expect hand outs or anything. I don't expect anyone to do anything for me. But, I also feel pretty hopeless. Like it won't get any better than this. I worked that hard, I struggled that much...for this. This is fucking it? Freaking really? This is all I have to look forward to for the next 40 years? So much for proving myself. So much for proving that I'm "better than that." So much for everything. This is all the better it's gonna get. Fuck this noise. I'm done. I want a fucking refund.

I'm tired of feeling worthless. I'm tired of working jobs where no one appreciates you at all. I'm tired of trying to please people who don't give a buttfuck less about me. I'm just, well, tired...

I think I'm going to end this here. I'm starting to ramble, and I've written enough.