I used to be so awesome at keeping up with blogging. I REALLY was. Almost daily. Now, every few months, seems I pop back in and say hey.
The odd thing is for me, when I'm writing, anything, I have to be extremely isolated and comfortable. Ever since coming home from Strasbourg, it's been hard to find that right setting. I know some people think that picky and particular, and maybe it is, but if there is one time I NEED my element it's when I'm working.
So anyway, I guess a bit of a rundown is in order.
November was...an interesting month, as it always is. This past November marked 5 years since Dad booted me out of the house, and I entered the last year of my 20's.
Odd to think of everything that has happened in the 5 years since, both good and bad: The struggling to survive, living in France, getting married, finishing school, struggling against major blows to my self esteem and goals, depression diagnosis, adopting a boatload of animals (ok, maybe not a BOATLOAD but several), *finally* driving on my own, and 2 wonderful nephews coming into my life. I am almost amused at how I got treated, and how things panned out. Dad never trusted me on my own. He never trusted that I could take care of myself. He never trusted that I knew what I was doing. Sure, I've had hiccups along the way, but who doesn't? It's called life, and we all take a few hard knocks. That's just part of the deal. Dad never thought I could make it on my own. I needed him to do everything for me (Honestly, I think he wanted to keep me dependent, so that way he felt "needed" and "wanted." Something sick about the male ego I suppose). So he went fucking crazy, trying to control everything, and now, in retrospect, that's what destroyed any relationship we had. It was the lack of being allowed to grow, and become my own person. Dad didn't allow me to have the same freedoms he so adamantly demanded that he was allowed to have out of his own life.
Frankly, I can't go back, nor do I want to. I mean, I really don't. I wouldn't call it hatred. If anything, it's apathy. And people look at me like I'm fucking insane when I say that. How can anyone NOT care about their parents? Well, when your parents don't give fuck one about you, it's pretty fucking easy. Oh and side note: shut up with the 10 commandments. I don't believe in that, so it really holds no weight with me. I mean if you do, cool, but it doesn't mean a thing to me.
Anyway, besides that, my birthday was nice. I went up to Ypsilanti and Ann Arbor to visit Beth, as my birthday present to myself. It was fun. Ann Arbor is really nice, and it was fun getting out of Fort Wayne for a while. And, I needed to get the hell out of here, BADLY. We all know just how much I love Fort Wayne. Haha! Also got to see one of the friends I made during my short stint in Americorps, Erin. It was so great seeing her too. I'd like to think we had a great time talking about all sorts of different things, and discussing social issues. I honestly can't wait for an excuse to go back and see people, and have fun.
Then ensues the holidays...which I hate, but it was better this year as, NO RETAIL. I didn't even have to work Black Friday. I stayed in my pajamas and played Xbox. And it was AWESOME.
December and January: Aside from my near constant Oscar The Grouch complaining levels on the subject of Christmas, it was nice. All the girls (me, my mother in law, and all 3 sister in laws) went to see the Nutcracker. Brandon's mom was nice and got everyone cookies and coffee before the show, and the show itself was enjoyable. My nephews found these foam swords they had, and Ben and I started playing with it. Which meant then Zach had to. Which meant then Aunt Eri had to buy said swords for the boys. Which meant THEN Zach thought it was a good idea to poke everyone in the butt with said swords. The saga of the swords ends with Aunt Eri then finding shields for $1 at Target with goofy looking wolf faces on them that Uncle Brandon joked were for House Stark. Because we're cool like that.
Christmas was nice. As much as I hate the holidays, it is always nice seeing my family. Even if I can't see all of them, I see who I can. New Year's Eve was fun too, since I got off early, and didn't work again for 2 and a half days. It's been more or less back to the grind though. Some days good, some days bad. Some days are just days.
My volunteer work at the YWCA has been going well. I teach every Thursday morning, which is fun. It has its challenges. My class is all Burmese, at all different levels. It makes things difficult, but they're a good group of people overall. They're REALLY trying, and it seems like what I have to tell them is sticking. That makes me happy!
Well I had probably better cut this off for now. Here's to hope that I keep up more regularly. A bientot, mes amis.
